The Importance of Blended Family Events

Blending two families into one can be stressful and difficult—even if everyone involved knew and liked each other before you and your new spouse got married. The fact is that the reality of living together as a step family is quite a lot different than talking about living together as a step family.

In the beginning there will be issues over trust, territory, authority, privacy, quality time and pretty much everything else you can think of. Many newly blended families go through family therapy for help adjusting to the change. If this sounds familiar, do not worry: you are not alone.

And by now you probably know that one of the most important steps you can take to smoothing out your blended family issues is to create your new blended family events and step family traditions. You and your kids probably have quite a few family traditions already in place. The same is likely true for your spouse and her children as well. This can be a source of some of the tension that your new blended family is feeling.

When the two traditions coincide with the same event, suddenly everybody wonders: whose tradition is going to "win" and whose tradition is going to be forced out? The best way to cope with these events is to create your own new step family traditions. If you can, take elements of both rituals and turn them into a single, new, blended family event. This way everybody "wins".

Another very important blended family event to have on a regular basis are family activities. These days it feels like families are more individualized than ever and this is why it is important that every member of your newly blended family make time to spend a few hours together on a regular basis instead of having everyone go their separate ways once in a while.

This can happen in the form of a regular dinner in which everyone sits down and talks about their day or in the form of a game night when you all stay in, turn off the phones and play board games—it can be anything that is designed around spending time together and interacting.

The most difficult part of finding blended family events and creating new step family traditions is going to be finding activities and traditions that engage everyone in your family no matter how old or how young they are. Teenagers, for example, might scoff at the idea of "family board game night."

Accommodating toddlers on a family hiking trip can be difficult. One of the best ways to deal with this and to have regular blended family events is to, as you get used to living with each other, let each member of the family take a turn in choosing the activity. This way everybody gets his or her way at least once before you settle into a routine and create a new set of step family traditions. Heck, taking turns choosing the event can become one of your step family traditions all by itself!