A Kids' Quick Guide to Blended Family Marriages

As a kid, watching your mom or dad enter into a blended family marriage can be a major source of stress. It is completely normal to worry about where you fit into the newly blended family—even if you really like your new stepmother or stepfather! Don't worry — lots of other kids worry about blended family marriage too. You are not alone! Here are some helpful hints that you can use as you learn how to live with a stepmother or stepfather (and possibly stepbrothers or stepsisters).

Be Patient

Your new stepmother is probably just as nervous about your new relationship as you are. She will probably try too hard (or suddenly act like she is afraid of you). Remember, blended family marriage is just as hard for new step parents as it is for you. Try not to let your stress get to you. Take a deep breath and remind yourself "she is having a hard time too."

Be Firm

Do not let your new stepfather change the rules without your permission. If your stepfather thinks that the new blended family marriage gives him the right to set new rules for you or to pressure you into doing things that you are not comfortable doing, be honest. Talk to your Mom. Work with her and your new stepfather to figure out family rules that will work for everyone. Try not to be rude, even if you are angry.

Say things like "I do not think it is fair that I was allowed to use my cell phone after dinner before you got married but now I am not because Steve does not like cell phones." Or "I do not think that I should be forced to do my homework in the kitchen or living room. I was trusted to do my own homework in my own room before you got married—why does that have to change?"

Be Honest

Do not pretend to be okay with things in your newly blended family marriage if you are not okay with them. If you feel like your new stepmother is taking up all of your father's time, tell him that you miss him and that you want some father-kid time. If your new stepfather is trying to push you to be best friends, let him know that you respect him but that you are not ready to be so close so soon. Do not be rude and do not let your anger take control over your words but do be honest. If you pretend that you agree with something when you don't, you only have yourself to blame if you get stuck in a bad situation.

Dealing with a newly blended family marriage is tough for everyone involved. Your parent wants you to get along with your step parent and step siblings but you are not sure what your relationship will be like with your Mom or Dad. It is important to be patient, be firm and to be honest. Things will work out in time!